Order Headquarters, Utah
Deloras (harried) : General, here's your coffee, and morning briefing.
General Gansschritt (loud) : Deloras! Where's my.... Oh, thank you.
*the General sips his coffee from a large Belgian mug, and reads the report*
General : Mein Gott! Those children have escaped! Again!
Deloras (helpful) : Oh you mean the Scoobies?
General : Scoobies? What is this, "Scoobies?"
Deloras : That's what they are calling Jonas, Daniel and Bree on their fan website.
General : They have a website now!? I can't even get my email working.
Deloras : Just double-click the icon General, right there...
General : NOT NOW!!! This is serious.
Deloras : Yes, General, perhaps later.
General : So, how did we miss getting them at the Bear Lake Cabin? I authorized an entire strike team of agents and a helicopter this time!
Deloras : Well sir, the strike team approval paperwork went right through, but there was a delay for the helicopter.
General : Delay? What kind of delay?
Deloras : Well, its the usual sort of thing. The H-95 form required your Deacon's approval, only he was on vacation, and the approval signature roster in such a case was out of date, the back-up Deacon being deceased, and...
General (nodding, falling asleep) : Yes, yes, so?
Deloras : Well sir, then it got complicated. The back-up approval signature roster requires three Deacon's signatures to update, but it turned out it has not been updated since the Carter administration, and several of the required Deacons were all attending the SXSW film festival together...
General (impatient) : So the helicopter was delayed... Well, what about the strike team?
Deloras : Oh, they were ready sir, very prompt, but they were told to wait for the helicopter, so they all went skiing. But Sir, they did finally break into the cabin. Only, the Scoobies were gone already.
General : Well of course they were gone! We've been watching them at the Aunt's house for a week now!
Deloras : Yes sir.
General : Why can't the local strike team leader make any decisions on his own?
Deloras : Well, we paid that high-priced consultant to help us streamline last year, and he showed us how to centralize command operations.
General : Call him back, tell him we need help decentralizing!
Deloras : Brilliant idea sir. That's why you're the General!
General : So, what's wrong? Send the strike team after them at the Aunt's house!
Deloras : Is that an order, sir?
General : Of course it is!
Deloras : Well Sir, it's just that most of the strike team is hungover from the fashion party, and with the helicopter and all, we've gone over budget for that sector, and will need you to get a budget exception approved...
General (exhausted suddenly) : That could take weeks. Isn't there any faster way?
Deloras : Hmmmmm. How about an emergency strike team remissioning authorization from the federal funds? I still have an E-37 form here somewhere...
General : Sure, let's do that.
Deloras : Okay, just sign here... and here, and initial here, and a drop of your blood here...
General (relaxing now) : Deloras, what would I do without you?
Deloras (dryly) : I've asked myself the same question, sir, many times.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Order Headquarters, Utah