Dr. Miles saunters into the room. Like all scientists, including doctors, he is wearing scrubs and a lab coat.
Dr. Miles: Remember your leg that had to be amputated, that I said didn’t matter and forgot about?
Dr. Miles: I just remembered about it and wanted to tell you that it has to be amputated because you have contracted gaingrene!
Smith: What?!? How could that have happened?
Dr. Miles: That’s right, gangrene is a condition of necrosis and subsequent decay of body tissues caused by infection or thrombosis or lack of blood flow. It is usually the result of critically insufficient blood supply sometimes caused by injury and subsequent contamina-
Smith: You’re reading out of your med school book.
Dr. Miles: No I’m not. The gangrene is very serious.
Smith: How did I contract it? What is the infection?
Dr. Miles: Yes, gangrene will cause your tissue to rot away. That is correct.
Smith: (In desperation) But I don’t *want* to have gangrene! No! No no no no no no no no no no no no no
Dr. Miles: Oh, you don’t? Well then um… it’s not gangrene… it’s a sprained ankle! I was confused because somebody switched your chart with… another person with gangrene.
*Greg runs in and gives Dr. Miles a high-five*
Dr. Miles: We must find out who made the switch!
Smith: But what should I do about my ankle?
Dr. Miles: Yes, it would be great if you would help me figure out who switched the files! Thanks! Tell me what clues you discover and then I will verify that the clues are clues.
*Smith thinks he’s going to vomit, but then it’s ok because it goes back down*
Dr. Miles: Mr. Smith I just got your new tests results back and it went down 95 percent.
Smith: What went down 95 percent?
Dr. Miles: Your tests.
Smith: But what did you test for?
Dr. Miles: I haven’t decided yet.
Smith: Doc, I think I need a second opinion.
Dr. Miles: Well, ok. There’s a veterinarian that I went to med school with in the Bahamas.
Smith: A vet, I can’t go to a vet.
Dr. Miles: I’ll ask my nurse to get you his number. Where did she go?
Smith: Where did who go?
Dr. Miles: My nurse, the one with the fake British accent.
Smith: You said she was gone then didn’t say anything for days.
Dr. Miles: No matter, we’ll just get a new one to replace her.
*In walks a women dressed in an all black nurses uniform wearing too much makeup*
Dr. Miles: Eh, I was looking for something a little younger.
*Poof, she disappears*
Smith: I kind of liked her.
Dr. Miles: Too late she’s gone, next.
*In walks a pre-teen girl*
Pre-Teen Nurse: Ola
Dr. Miles & Smith (in unison): NEXT!
*A soccer ball flies into the room and in walk a teenage girl in a soccer uniform*
Dr. Miles: A little better. Do you have a slightly older sister?
*In walks a teenage (but legal) girl dressed in a slutty nurses uniform*
Slutty Nurse: Hello Dr. Miles.
Dr. Miles: Now we’re cooking.
Thursday, June 28, 2007