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Saturday, June 9, 2007

☺ Gym of One

*ringgg ringgggg, ringgg ringggg*

Cindy (answers phone brightly): Gym of One L.A., goooood morrrnning!

Mr. Jones (stern): Hello. Who is this?

Cindy (singsong): Cinnnnddyyy Speaking! Are YOU ready to join the 'One?

Mr. Jones: No. Let me speak to Marsha.

Cindy: Marsha, hmmmm, let me just check the schedule...

Mr. Jones: Just put her on the phone.

Cindy (happily): Oh! Here she is, Marsha Moonbug. She's leading a spinning class right now...

Mr. Jones: Spinning? I've heard about you people and your "activities" and your "fun."

Cindy: Can I leave her a message?

Mr. Jones: No, I do NOT want to leave her a message. I want to talk to Marsha JONES, right now.

Cindy (confused): Jones? We don't have a Marsha Jones working here, sir, I'm very sorry.

Mr. Jones: She doesn't WORK there, she was recruited by you people.

Cindy: Oh, a client! I misunderstood. Let me just check the membership logs.

Mr. Jones: Whatever, we just want our little girl out of there.

Cindy: Okayeee, let's see. Well, we have a Jenny Jones, but's she's not here now.

Mr. Jones (angry): Moonbug, Jenny, I don't care what you call her...

Cindy: Wait, Mr. Jones. I can tell you're upset, but I'm not sure why. Would you like to speak to the Director?

Mr. Jones: Sure, put him on.

Cindy (to Nathan, quietly): Nathan, you better take this. A 'Ben Jones' says he wants his daughter out of here.

Cindy points to her written notes with the names Marsha Jones, Moonbug, and Jenny

Nathan (answers phone pleasantly): Nathan here, are you prepared to let out your inner 'One?

Mr. Jones: I'm coming over there, and putting a stop to this nonsense.

Nathan (reading Cindy's notes): Um, sir, I'd like to help, but there seems to be some confusion about your daughter's name. Can you tell me when she joined the 'One?

Mr. Jones: About 4 months ago, I think. None of her old friends can tell us exactly.

Nathan: Well, if she signed a contract with us that long ago, I'm sorry, but there will be a penalty to pay before we can release her.

Mr. Jones (choking): Contract?! I KNEW it! You people, with your "classes" and your "music" ... it's all about MONEY!

Nathan: We do have to pay the bills, Mr. Jones, that's true, but I assure you, our terms are very reasonable. Why don't you come by and I'll show you around?

Mr. Jones: Damn right I'm coming by! You tell whoever is in charge there, that Ben Jones' daughter will be leaving you.

Nathan (soothing): Yes, Mr. Jones, I understand. We are located by Universal at 436 Harmony Ave. Can I put you down for a 2pm appointment?

Mr. Jones: I don't need an appointment. I'll be there when I get there, I'm flying out now.

Nathan: No problem, and will Mrs. Jones be accompanying you? I bet she would love one of our healthful orange smoothies!

Mr. Jones: what? No she will not. Mrs. Jones will be taking care of our other daughter.

Nathan (upbeat): Excellent, well, thank you for calling the 'One, and we will look forward to your visit!


Cindy: He thought we were that cult, didn't he? We really need to change the name.

Nathan (grinning): Are you kidding? They feel so guilty when they realize their mistake, it's awesome.

Cindy (smiling, pats Nathan's Jr. staffer badge): Okay, Director, but I get half the commision for this one, if he signs up.

Nathan: You got it. I've sold 4 golden family memberships this month already!

Nathan and Cindy high-five.

~ QtheC


  1. very good ;)

    this should become a video!

  2. After reading the tshirt post first, wouldn't "Gym of One" make a great tshirt?

  3. Maybe Jonas should sign up... that guy really needs to cut out the junk food and get a little exercise.

  4. Hilarious. I definately think this should become a video too :)


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