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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Making Sex Fun: "Round Two" or "The Second Coming"

Warning: This article talks about sex in a straightforward way. Although this article is about mechanics, my personal feeling is that sex outside of a loving relationship is pretty unfulfilling.

First and last in a series of articles I am going to write about sex for this blog, and in light of the recent "Everybody Does It" video, I offer you this little piece of insight into the mechanics of sex... to use or ignore in your own lives as you will.


The concept is simple, what I somewhat jokingly refer to as "Round Two" or "The Second Coming." The aim is simply to take the pressure off of male sexual performance (and increase satisfaction for a couple), by understanding a little better how things work and what to expect.

Reactions to this concept vary from "Well duh, of course. You mean someone doesn't know this?" to "Oh my God! Why didn't someone explain this to me years ago!? It might have saved my first marriage."

File this under "things many eventually figure out, but wish they had known sooner."

There are endless comic and serious references in entertainment to a guy who during sex finishes too early, then rolls over and falls asleep, leaving his female partner unsatisfied. She's left frustrated, he feels shame or disregards her entirely. Fighting and misery follows. The common remedies presented generally rely on more petting (to allow the female the time she needs) prior to attempting intercourse, and on males "distracting" themselves by thinking about mundane things like baseball. It is true that consideration and attention to the female ahead of time is a must, and women can improve things greatly by understanding how their own bodies work and sharing that information. It is also true that males can learn self control, but it's pretty difficult, especially for younger and less experienced men.

The transition from long heavy petting sessions to relatively brief intercourse in younger inexperienced couples often leads to conflict and confusion, and hurts a lot of relationships.

So here's one more concept to consider... don't even try to make "Round One" last very long, or don't worry if it is over quickly. In this phase, especially when younger, a man can be compared to a cup filled to the brim - it does not take much to spill. (Sorry if this is too graphic for some, but it's a useful comparison).

So the advice is, have fun, get excited, let "Round one" take it's course, but don't expect too much, and don't plan to stop there. I've known couples that joke about getting "Round One" out of the way as fast as possible, so they can have time and energy for "Round Two" or the "Main Event" and still get a good night's sleep.

After "Round One" ladies, plan on a break. Leave the guy alone. Let him doze if he wants to. Cuddle, or take a nap, or watch TV, or read a book, or have a snack, or work-out, or knit or something for however long (could be 10 or 15 minutes, could be an hour). When you are both ready and awake again, it's time for the main event, "Round Two," or my favorite term for it, "The Second Coming." In this round, the guy is going to have more staying power (the difference may be significant), whether young or old. If all goes well, everyone will have a LOT more fun than in "Round One." Just don't forget to show the female the consideration and attention she is due. Some couples refer to "Round Two" as "Her Turn", and that's a good attitude, but I don't think it accurately describes the experience. It's really better for both than "Round One."

Are additional rounds possible? Of course. But I will leave that as an exercise for the interested and sufficiently energetic readers. ;)

I am curious about people's reactions to this concept... correct or not? ... obvious, or nice to know, or can't wait to test this out, or a revelation? ... offended/Gross! or OMG Thank YOU!!!

Post comments/reactions below, if you wish, but don't expect me to answer more explicit questions... Just know that every couple is different, as are the same couples through time and depending on stress, health, fitness, and many more subtle and changing factors - so be understanding and supportive, whatever happens in bed.

So begins and ends my career as a sex-columnist. I just felt like sharing. ;)

~ QtheC

10 comments:

  1. Interesting, and a good read (good job writing :D), but not sure why it has anything to do with LG.... .. . other than the recent sex topic.

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  2. Q - I love you but.... what does this have to do with LG?

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  3. wellllllll, maybe if Bree and Jonas had read this article, Bree would not have run away ;)

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  4. I didn't know that there were people who stopped after one... That's idiotic. Still, I don't think that this is true for everyone. There a lot of guys who, even inexperienced, have a lot of staying power. Also, if you're using protection (AS YOU SHOULD) that generally slows things down a bit.

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  5. good article- nice writing style etc. helpful advice i think. not a personal revelation but an important thing to know. again nice job with the article. :P

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  6. Maybe I am just too happy to talk about sex, but I got excited (No, not like that) and thought I would comment on this one, for the first comment I've ever made in the LG world. I'm sad to see though that the first comments here basically shut down the community by asking the relevance to the show.

    The users of this website and the comments board in general have been making such a fuss out of how there is a community here, on this site and the LG15 site.. why shut down a topic like this as irrelevant? It's super-relevant in all communities of consenting and aware adults. Not necessarily the specifics of sexual function, but the openness so we can all help each other to live the best lives possible, and if that means learning through an outside source how to potentially have a more sharing and fulfilling sex life, then it's worthwhile.

    There is altogether too much ego tied up in penises and their 'staying power.' If more people acknowledged the principle that Q writes about, I think there would be a lot less frustration and unhappiness in the world.

    I'm sorry this is so long.

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  7. I would NEVER shut down Q! I asked what this had to do with LG and he pointed out that Bree and Jonas could have followed the advice and ended up a lot happier. (He is a clever bloke that Q!)

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  8. Maybe I'm a little bit too much of a liberal feminist for my own good and get defensive about things without much cause... so I apologize, gf, your comment seems pretty fun. I tend to overlook tone (can be hard soemtimes) and as I said, generally assume the worst. Sorry.

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  9. Hey Katie no problems - and congrats on a really intelligent "first" comment! Welcome to LG!

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